Category Archives: Humour

Mr Pettifog issues a statement

The following statement was issued to the press on behalf of Mr Pettifog at 09:30 hours GMT on Friday 25 January 2020.

Mr Pettifog, c/o Bel Repose Retirement Home, Virginia Water, Surrey, England:

Mr Pettifog wishes to dissociate himself from certain reported remarks of Mr John Glover Roberts, Junior, Chief Justice of the United States.

The suggestion that the words or actions of Mr Pettifog, or any member of his family, are inappropriate is a deplorable slur upon his family’s honour. Mr Pettifog reserves the right to bring legal proceedings against any person who repeats those remarks or makes any similar statement.

Issued through Mr Pettifog’s multi-disciplinary care team, 25 January 2020

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The perils of conveyancing

Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to identify the potential breaches of SRA rules and general law in the following case study.

You are a newly-qualified solicitor, working for a leading Exeter firm. You are acting for a super-wealthy EU citizen, who wishes to purchase property in England. The source of his wealth is not known and, so far, you have not been able to obtain any ID documents from him.

You find a suitable property in Essex, and at your own initiative (and without specific instructions) you have negotiated to purchase the property. Your supervising partner sends you to the client’s main residence in Romania to consult with him about the property and, if he wishes to go ahead, to get him to execute a contract of purchase, on Law Society standard terms.

You travel to the client’s residence, arriving late at night after a terrible journey. You keep receipts for all your travel expenses. The client approves the transaction and executes the documents that you present to him. You are forced to witness them, as no-one else appears to be present.

You are invited to stay at the residence. Unfortunately, you are attacked by three women, but then rescued by your client. You discover that you are being held prisoner, and that your client is presenting as a vampire. You are uncertain whether this is a protected characteristic for the purposes of anti-discrimination legislation.

You escape from the client’s residence, taking care to bring the conveyancing documents with you, and take refuge in a convent. You suffer a mental breakdown, and stay at the convent for several months. Having lost their main conveyancing client, your firm makes you redundant.

Eventually, you return to England. You discover that your former client is now residing in England. You join forces with several people who have been affected by your former client’s nefarious activities, and discuss with them all that you know about him. Through careful research, you discover that he owns several properties in London and elsewhere in the UK. You resolve to destroy your former client.

Eventually, you and your friends track him down, and you slash his throat with a knife, possibly decapitating him.

It seems to IP Draughts that this case study raises the following legal and regulatory compliance issues:

  • Anti-money-laundering and terrorism laws
  • SRA rules on know-your-client, acting in the client’s best interests, etc.
  • Potential unexplained wealth orders
  • Discrimination on religious or philosophical grounds
  • Health and safety at work
  • Unfair dismissal
  • Breach of client confidentiality
  • Conspiracy to murder

Has IP Draughts missed anything?






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Donations to law schools

Following the revelation on Twitter that even the toilets at the University of California, Berkeley Law School are sponsored, IP Draughts has devised a funding opportunity that may be more within the budget of his firm.

Does any UK law school wish to explore this further?


Filed under Humour, Uncategorized

Man on the Bondi Tram to return?

Readers with long memories will recall IP Draughts’ mention of a deceased Australian cousin of the Man on the Clapham Omnibus (the archetypal “reasonable man” in English law): the Man on the Bondi Tram. Deceased because the Sydney tram network was ripped up nearly 60 years ago.

Recently, IP Draughts was excited to read about the construction of new, light railway networks in Sydney, which could be viewed as the successors to the trams. Can any Sydney reader tell us whether Clapham Man’s cousin is, in fact, alive and well, and roaming the light railway network in a reasonable manner?


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